


I love him so leave him alone.

by areyoutalking



Category: Saturday Night Live RPF, US Comedians RPF
Genre: Crushes, Danny is such a chick magnet, Flirting, I Don't Even Know, Jealous John, M/M, Oblivious Danny, Pre-Relationship, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, hehehehehe, oh boy, oh boy johnny gets jealous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 10:49:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16196021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areyoutalking/pseuds/areyoutalking
Summary: Katlyn McCannon is probably the hottest woman in Hollywood as of right now, so why does a pretty girl like that have to host SNL? And WHY does she have to flirt with Dan? Why does HE flirt back?





	I love him so leave him alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, what's crackalackin homies? It's ya writer, uh, areyoutalking, and I'm here to write this popping story. It was a request. It was a pretty good idea so hey I'm gonna write it. :) <3
> 
>  
> 
> This is for you, Ronnie.

John clenched and unclenched his fist for probably the 20th time in the last five minutes. The case on his jaw was much worse, he thought he was gonna break the damned thing, he was clenching it so hard. 

_Get off of his shoulder you ignorant Six-piece Chicken McNobody._ He growled as he watched her, her pearly white teeth nearly blinding him as she laughed at Dan's cheesy joke, her head resting on his shoulder. 

And that wasn't even the worst of it all,  _Dan_ was admiring her. His cheeks were rosy and he shoved his hands between his knees and fidgeted. He was adorable when he got shy and all blushy like that, especially when he'd duck his head, and that thick hair would fall over his eyes. 

But he wasn't adorable when it was with...  _her._ Hell, she wasn't even that pretty. She had the face of a fucking horse, with big buck teeth and crossed eyes, and every time she laughed it sounded like a dying goose. 

Well, that was what she looked like to John, to everyone else, she was a walking goddess on this earth. With that long, curly auburn hair and those grass green eyes, ivory skin, and a body shaped like a literal hourglass. 

John wanted to kick sand in her eyes and hope she'd fall off a cliff because she would be blind from the sand he just kicked into her eyes... if you catch my drift. He sneered in their flirtatious direction before spinning around to face the other way. 

Why in the hell was this woman, a well-respected model, the most famous model of the 70's, have to come and host a comedy special? She wasn't funny, she wasn't talented, all she had was a pretty face. And, for the record, John hadn't seen her stupid name plastered across any magazines lately so...

Her name was so stupid too, who in the hell would name their kid Katlyn McCannon? John smirked, maybe her parents hated her. Well, they couldn't have hated her as he hated her right now, so whatever. 

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"Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!" Chevy yelled, the crowd going absolutely bat-shit crazy as the band started to play that familiar SNL theme. Don- with his magnificent voice- started to anouncer all the the names of 'The Not Ready For Prime Time Players.' 

John felt his heart skip a beat as Dans' picture was flashed, that radiant smile lighting up the entire screen and placing that comfortable warm feeling in Johns' gut. He sighed heavily and rolled his shoulders once again, this damned bee costume was ungodly tonight. 

See, even the costume writhed in utter disgust in Katlyn' presence, she was ruining everything and the show hadn't even started. 

After her monologue (she sucked by the way), the first sketch was ready for action. 

Of course, it was a 'Killer Bee' sketch, and of course, she just  _had_ to be in it. John clenched his sore jaw as she said her lines, her eyes trained on the taller man standing next to him. 

And of course, to make this night even better, Dan had to be the taller man standing next to him. John gazed at him out of the corner of his eye, and while Gilda (Gilda is a queen) proclaimed her lines, he saw Dan give a sly wink over to Katlyn. 

The wheels in his head jammed, and that delightfully warm feeling in his stomach was now replaced with an icy cold stab. 

He winked at her.  _HE WINKED AT HER._ Alarms screamed in Johns' ears and hurt flooded through his veins. 

Katlyn gave a stupid, ugly smile and continued with the sketch, making the audience swoon and laugh. Oh, if only they knew what she was doing, if only they knew that she was taking away the most important thing in Johns' life.

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The ponytail on top of his head was yanking at his scalp, the fake beard was unusally scratchy, and his robe was just hugging to tightly around the waist. Maybe it was the belt for his katana, he wasn't sure. 

John let out a heavy sigh and waited for Garret and Katlyn to say their lines, which was them lightly arguing about what kind of pizza was good here. It didn't even make any  _sense_. And this Saturday Night Live! Nothing makes sense on this show! 

And yet here John stood, his eardrums exploding at the cheers and screams, his muscles numb and his face pulled into an uncharacteristic scowl. Katlyn and Garret approached the counter, cheery smiles on their faces as they pummeled him with questions about some useless information.

The laughs came flooding onto the stage like a sea tide. John clenched his jaw and fiddled with his katana some more.  

"So..." Katlyn purred, settling her elbows on the counter. She flipped her hair before glancing over that her cue card. "Why don't you be a good boy and tell us what's good here?" Her green eyes flashed him a wicked light, and John felt his throat close up. 

Did she... did she  _know about his feelings for Dan?_  

Was it that obvious? No. No, she was just a big dummy that's all. 

"Uh, hashuwa Lalala wha wha heehaw yeehaw." He said quickly, looking away at the prop cash register. 

_Please... for the love of God let this sketch be over already._

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"Hey," John jumped at the feeling of a hand on his shoulder, and his heart skipped a beat when he saw Dan.

God, he was gorgeous, with that dark, messy hair and those mismatched eyes. Johns' mouth became dry, and he forced the muscles in his face to push his lips into a smile. 

"Hey, Danny, what's up?" He asked casually, leaning against the backstage wall. Dan frowned at him. 

"What's up with you? You've been acting weird all night." He crossed his arms.

"What?" John placed a cigarette between his lips and searched for his lighter. "No, I haven't." 

"Yes, you have." Dan countered, and John let out an exhausted sigh. 

"I'm okay, I just don't feel good." He growled, still searching for his damn lighter. Dan turned his head curiously, worry beginning to pool his eyes. Oh no, here it comes. 

"You don't feel good? Do you feel sick?" He asked, and John shook his head. 

"Just tired." He answered shortly before lighting his smoke and shoving past Dan, mentally kicking himself in the face as he did. Why was everything so complicated all the time?

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Their shared office was empty, which was very unusual for this hour of the night. It felt unfamiliar, and cold, and dark, and... lonely.

John huffed and poured himself a second glass of Jack Daniels, knowing right now that tonight was gonna be a hard and long night. Dan and Katlyn had left an hour or two ago, her arm tightly wrapped under his as they laughed the night away. 

A painful, dull ache nuzzled into Johns' chest, and tears started to pool his eyes. 

God, why was he so afraid to tell Dan about his feelings? Why was he so scared to lift this terrible, bone-crushing weight off his shoulders that have been there for a good three or four years? Everything was just a big why question that no one could answer, and if they were to answer, it would be catastrophic. 

John let out a tiny scream as the phone loudly rung throughout the tiny office, immediately embarrassing himself. He blushed and picked up the receiver, glancing up at the clock. It was half past midnight, who could be calling right now? 

"Johnny, you there?" Dan asked over the line. 

"Wha-? Yeah, I'm here." John scratched his head. Wasn't Dan supposed to be with Katlyn? What the hell was going on?

"Good, hey I was thinking... I mean if you're up for it, if we could go to that old diner we use to go to. You know, the one that serves waffles and stuff all day? We could get them with whipped cream like we used to. C'mon Johnny whaddya say?" 

John couldn't help but smile at the child-like enthusiasm in Dannys' voice. 

"Why the hell not?" He chuckled, throwing back the rest of his Jack Daniels and putting the rest up. "I'll meet you there in about fifteen minutes." 

"Sounds good."

They both hung up at the same time, and John giggled to himself. 

_Oh Katlyn... better luck next time, bitch._

 

EXTRA SIDENOTE: THIS TOOK ME HOURS TO WRITE BECAUSE I GOT SIDETRACKED BECAUSE I WAS WATCHING LAUREL AND HARDY AND I HAD TO CONSUME FOOD AND IM VERY TIRED BUT I LOVE ALL OF YOU AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS TRAIN WRECK. 


End file.
